Don't Call Me a Lesbian
A Significant Other View
by Julie Freeman
This article is reprinted here with permission from DEVIL WOMAN, the Diablo Valley Girls newsletter. Ms Freeman is the wife of a crossdresser. She can be reached at Julie39@comcast.net
Don't Call Me a Lesbian
It seems that one of the greatest fears that significant others voice is that of becoming a lesbian. Just how do they see this happening? By simply in any way shape or form somehow letting crossdressing into their lives. This fear is very real and very prevalent, usually voiced by wives newly discovering their husbands' femme side. They believe that their husbands, when crossdressed, somehow are no longer the man they knew and married, but have somehow turned into a woman. They believe that by becoming accepting in any way, no matter how small, that turns them into a lesbian. Forget the fact that they are not attracted to women and have never been. Just having another nightgown in bed with them does the trick!
And their hatred of lesbianism is very intense. So intense that some prefer to divorce their husbands rather than run the risk of catching lesbianism! It is an eye opener, indeed, to listen to these women and realize that ignorance is not bliss but dangerous. For in voicing their fear, they spread this fear to others who may have been a bit more tolerant of their husbands and have thought they could accept crossdressing. But when the dreaded L word is voiced, all run as fast as they can.
Now why is this? Why are women so afraid of lesbians? Do they believe that by simply accepting and loving their husbands they will then be attached by an Ellen in the grocery store? Are they going to lose their feminity and turn into butch dykes because they find themselves enjoying their husbands crossdressed, God forbid~ (Sorry to be so blunt, but that is their fear!)
I have met many gay women throughout my life and their lifestyle never bothered me nor was I ever afraid of "catching" it. And if I were lesbian, would I not want others to treat me with respect and courtesy. Why do some significant others become so hostile. I can only believe it is their upbringing - they are just as homophobic as so many in the "straight" world that we in the "gender" world deplore. How disconcerting to find it in our own backyards.
And this worry about being transformed into a lesbian woman is not just a fear of significant others. Even crossdressers have voiced their hostility and dislike of the gay lifestyle, but have trouble understanding their wives' reluctance to accept their femme side and fear of lesbianism.
Somehow more education is needed. Homosexuality is not contagious nor is it chosen. Crossdressing is not contagious nor is it chosen. It is a biological condition just as being short, tall, blond, or blue-eyed! One cannot "catch" a lifestyle from others, but one can over the course of a lifetime learn that certain lifestyles may be more appealing than others. As to which are acceptable and which are not who has the right to make that choice! As children, we do not have much of a choice. We witness the lifestyles around us. But as adults we have the right to make our own decisions regardless of what others around us believe. We do not have the right to force our lifestyle on others; nor do they have the right to force their lifestyle on us.
Significant others are not going to become homosexuals just because their husbands wear dresses or even if their husbands have surgery. They have not changed; their partners have. They can either open their minds and hearts to accepting the individual they have loved or they can choose to run the other way. It is their right to decide which route to take, but let us hope it is taken with consideration and thought, not ignorance and fear.