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Becoming Inventive

Notes on Gender Role Transition
Anne Vitale Ph.D. Editor
A Significant Other View

by Julie Freeman

This article is reprinted with permission from DEVIL WOMAN, the Diablo Valley Girls newsletter. Ms Freeman is the wife of a crossdresser. She can be reached at Julie39@comcast.net


Becoming Inventive

When significant others attend social events, seminars, or perhaps conventions, it frequently involves getting baby sitters, other family members, or even friends to take care of the children. Usually, friends ask, “Oh, where are you going?” Family members in particular are curious just in general when asked to baby sit. “Oh, what kind of convention will you be attending?” At work, when asked for a few days off, it is not uncommon to be asked, “What is your reason?”

So wives and partners of crossdressers have had to become inventive when giving reasons for their attending gender events. When I first suggested to my husband that he attend a Tri-Ess Convention meeting in San Francisco, he asked me in referring to our children, “What do I tell the girls?” I thought quickly, “Oh, just tell them you are going to a computer convention.” After all, he has attended many schools on computer programs over the years and this would be nothing out of the ordinary. I have come to find over the years that crossdressers have for years been attending crossdressing conventions under the guise of computer shows for years when explaining trips out of town to wives and children.

This “computer” school, however, was the first time I would be accompanying him on such a trip. So my first thought was, “Why do we have to explain where we are going anyway?” But people, including children, are just naturally curious and it is not uncommon for any of us to be asked where we are going even when it has absolutely nothing to do with crossdressing.

Just think of the times you tell a friend you are off for a couple of days and they innocently ask, “Oh, where to?” They mean no harm, just are simply adding to the conversation Refusing to give a reason causes more curiosity and should be avoided. So I simply told the girls I had decided to spend some time in the City relaxing and shopping. (Me – the notorious non-shopper!)

So just what do we tell babysitters, friends, and family members when we are going out of town to a convention. Many wives simply say they are attending a couple’s group. This seems to satisfy most. Others say they are simply going away for a few days for rest and relaxation. Both of these answers are true when you think about it. A problem came up recently when a wife used the same excuse twice in a row. “We are attending a marriage encounter group.” Two times in one year! Her mother was wondering why so many times so the couple will have to come up with another reason.

Is there any reason that friends or neighbors have to know EXACTLY where you are going? Probably not, unless you have established an emergency contact relationship with them. Then you have do decide just how much information can be given safely and securely. Giving a hotel name and phone number shouldn’t be a problem unless the room is registered under the crossdresser’s femme name. Then of course becoming inventive becomes necessary.

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