Breaking My Heart
A Significant Other View
by Julie Freeman
Originally published April 2014
Reposted here by permission on Jan 28, 2017
Breaking My Heart
Over the years, I have heard from many significant others. It continues to amaze me how many women still know very little about crossdressing. The usual scenario revolves around a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship where the girlfriend is told after the relationship has deepened that her boyfriend, occasionally, likes to wear women's clothes. Not on a regular basis and most often never outside the home - whether it is his or theirs.
For awhile, this particular girlfriend (B) reported she took the crossdressing in stride although she never used any terms associated with the gender community. Usually the crossdressing starts with panties and that is about it for a few weeks. Then slowly the crossdressing increases to bras, stockings, and nightgowns, but, again, still in the house, usually the bedroom.
Although (B) thought this behavior was a bit odd, it had not accelerated to the point where she was overly concerned. Undoubtedly for many women, if this was the extent of the crossdressing they would be content although confused.
And for most crossdressers, at this point believing that all is still hunky dory with their significant others may decide to up the ante without really considering the effect that may have.
As most of us, who do have somewhat of an understanding of crossdressing know, rarely does the crossdressing remain in the bedroom especially infrequently.
We hear this scenario over and over - my boyfriend wears women's underwear in the bedroom. That's it - no big deal. But then we hear from these same women a few months later when the situation has changed dramatically.
And yes the situation changed for (B) when her boyfriend's crossdressing escalated dramatically and as she put it, "was going way too fast."
ÒIt's tearing me apart inside. It makes me feel uneasy and I thought after some time it wouldn't bother me anymore, but it's worse. It's to the point where I am not attracted to him when he dresses up."
" My brain just hurts from all the heartache and madness! This just feels wrong. It is breaking my heart."
It certainly would have helped this woman if her boyfriend had given her more information on crossdressing in the beginning rather than just assuming she would be fine.
In so many cases, not only is the girlfriend ignorant of crossdressing, but the crossdresser himself has no idea how to proceed when coming out to his girlfriend. Another gal (A) wrote about the same time that her boyfriend suddenly appeared to her partially crossdressed, and she was so upset, she got sick and had to leave the house.
When she returned, her boyfriend had decided to dress completely, and could not understand why she was so upset. When he mentioned the incident to his support group, they practically booed him out of the room.
Somehow both of these wives were able to find our on-line support group. (A) has written a few times and seems thankful for advice received. I was pleased that (B) also found the group and that so many wives gave her suggestions. But she has only responded once since joining the group. I fear that for her the crossdressing is just too much to bear.
I hope I am wrong. Time will tell.