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Proper Perspective

Notes on Gender Role Transition
Anne Vitale Ph.D. Editor
A Significant Other View
by Julie Freeman

This article is reprinted with permission from DEVIL WOMAN, the Diablo Valley Girls newsletter. Ms Freeman is the wife of a crossdresser. She can be reached at Julie39@comcast.net

Proper Perspective

After reading e-mail after e-mail from disgruntled and upset significant others, it is ironic that at this particular time, there has been a sudden jolt from Mother Nature to remind all of us of just where crossdressing should rank on our list of priorities. I am referring to the massive earthquake in Turkey which by the time this column is published might very well be a minor blip on our memoryís screen. Seeing newscast after newscast of victims, especially the children, the massive destruction cannot help but make our concerns over our husbandsí wearing a dress seem miniscule in comparison. But in all too short a time the earthquake will recede in our memory; after all, Turkey is far away and out of sight, out of mind as they say.

Secondly, came a jolt interestingly from a significant other who reminded us all of just how lucky we were; in this case, she was talking mostly about children, but we can stretch the analogy to refer crossdressers in our lives as well. As parents, it is easy to get upset at children slamming doors, leaving dirty towels in the bathroom, unwashed dishes in the kitchen, but as she pointed out all were evidence of active, energetic children - a blessing indeed. Sort of makes one feel just a tad guilty for all the screaming and yelling we did when we found their messes. How quickly we forget that children are after all children. We need to remember that just as we need to remember how lucky we are to have active and energetic spouses in our lives.

Thirdly, a personal jolt. A friend and colleague of mine, very enthusiastic, friendly, and outgoing, was suddenly hit by undiagnosed severe pain. She is in the hospital, undergoing exploratory surgery as the doctors donít seem to know what is the matter. Her life suddenly has been turned upside down. This can happen to any of us at any time - Just ask Montel Williams, a popular talk show host, who found out he has MS. How does living with crossdressing begin to compare with losing one's health!

Now this is not to say that we significant others are expected to embrace crossdressing in our spouses wholeheartedly and without reservation. But perhaps we need not get quite so upset, not quite so angry when we remember how lucky we are. We need to prioritize what is important and what is less important. We need to put crossdressing into proper perspective. It can pale by comparison with those twists of fate that may befall us at any time, anywhere without warning.

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