SO Comfort Zone
A Significant Other View
by Julie Freeman
This article is reprinted with permission from DEVIL WOMAN, the Diablo Valley Girls newsletter. Ms Freeman is the wife of a crossdresser. She can be reached at Julie39@comcast.net
When communicating with other significant others, I find a wide variety of acceptance levels. Some wives are totally non-accepting. They are hostile, angry, upset, and just about ready to walk out the door! They are disgusted with their husbands' activities and are in no frame of mind to listen to them or those of us who are more accepting. At the other end are those wives who are totally accepting. They love their husbands dearly and whatever the husband does is fine with them. They find it hard to understand those who cannot or will not support their husbands.
And then between those extremes are the vast majority who are not hostile, but are not totally supportive either. These wives are willing to listen to both sides and seem to appreciate the advice given the most.
What seems to be common to those wives who are accepting is that the crossdressing their husbands are doing is within their comfort zone. For example, one of the most accepting of wives who never fails to inform us of her acceptance has a husband who only crossdresses in his bedroom. Only when the children are gone and only for about an hour and only once or twice a month. It is not hard to see that this particular wife is not facing most of the issues the other wives face. Because it is rather easy for her, her postings reflect her love for her husband and her satisfaction with their lives. She, of course, is very positive about the crossdressing.
There are others who are also positive but for totally different reasons. These are the wives who state that they have never seen their husbands crossdress and that is the way they want it. They are not involved in any activities and many have stated that their husbands are not involved in any activities either. They crossdress only in the privacy of their home and generally when the wife is away. The crossdressing does not impinge on their lives at all. If it were not for the fact that their husbands told them about their desire to crossdress, they would not know at all. These women too are in their comfort zone at this point, but have made it clear that any escalation no matter how small on their husbandâ€™s part would drive them away.
Those women who are barely exposed to their husband's desire to crossdress have no concept of what the others may be facing. They are totally bewildered when other wives talk about their husband's involvement with other crossdressers, Internet activity, telling the children, and even possible transsexual desires. They make no bones about informing these wives that in no way would they accept any of that kind of behavior!
It would appear that for a wife to accept the crossdressing in her marriage, she would need to be in her comfort zone. And that differs of course from one woman to another. Some women, as mentioned above, are only happy if they see and hear nothing. Other women are content with some involvement with the crossdressing- perhaps a couple's group or conference or even crossdressing around the house. But they would lose their level of comfort if it were to escalate further. Other women are even comfortable with their husband's deciding to live full time as women, with or without the surgery.
To help a woman reach her comfort zone depends on the ability of her husband to introduce her to his crossdressing in a positive manner and let her reach that level at her pace.
And it is very important that when any of us significant others are communicating with others and giving advice about whether some fear is legitimate or not, we remember that all of us have different comfort zones and we need to respect each others.