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A Significant Other View
by Julie Freeman

Originally published in "Devil Woman" in January 2015

Republished here by permission, February 2017


It was with a degree of shock when I read a letter from a wife expressing her complete turn-around with crossdressing.
Just a few months ago, she joined our on-line support group, but quickly became annoyed and bothered by those few wives who seemed to accept crossdressing with little hesitation. She even thought the group was not for her because she just couldn't find anything acceptable about what her husband wanted to do.
She had thought she would find only a group of like-minded wives who would grouse, complain, and overall trash crossdressing and any activities associated with it like finding support groups, going to activities, and shopping, of course.
I did not expect her to remain on the list for very long as so many wives who do not find the support they were expecting immediately, which is actually non-support for crossdressing, leave in a huff and are rarely heard from again.
So when this letter popped out, unexpectedly, I was expecting another diatribe and ranting and could not believe her letter.
She started by reiterating that she had found out about the crossdressing in January of 2014 and had taken it very hard. Both she and her husband were in their 60's and had grown children. Interestingly, her husband had only started crossdressing a mere three years before although there was a brief stint when he was in high school.
She found the books recommended to be scary, especially not knowing just how far her husband wanted to go. She said her emotions ran the gamut, including anger, fear, and grief. She found herself having to bargain and negotiate boundaries. Lots of crying went on during the first few months.
She did not see her husband crossdressed at all for the first six months and her only communication during that period was with the other wives on the list, particularly those who were experiencing the same emotions.
So what happened? Well, over time, she said she began to soften. She did not freak out when she saw "her" and with the help of a therapist became more supportive and understanding. Of course, her turn-around did not come over night, but over the next few months.
She realized that her husband did love her and cared for her. They watched movies like "Normal" and "Her" and watched the series, "Transparent." Also, sadly, her husband was diagnosed with an illness which may well be terminal so she realizes that he has only a short time to enjoy "her" and she does not want to begrudge him this time.
She says she at peace with "this" today and has stopped obsessing. She says there are days when she even forgets how much "this" hurts. She says she is now a TG ally, pro gender differences and choices, and wants to support her husband as much as possible.
Although I don't know if her turn-around would have happened had this couple not been facing illness, but her letter certainly was an inspiration to some of the other ladies on the list who are still upset and unaccepting.
I hope for the best for this couple.

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